Down and Dirty Fine Dining Tips for the Young Professional

Fine dining was always something I knew existed, but in the way outer space does. I know it’s real, but would I ever see it in person? Probably not. Fine dining was for celebrities and Disney princesses, not me who was fresh out of college and working an entry-level marketing job.

Nevertheless, as I spacewalked through my first big girl job, bouncing around without experience to ground me, I found myself in these alien situations. And yeah, I definitely embarrassed myself a few times. Thankfully, each awkward moment was an opportunity to learn.

So, maybe you work in a position that may require this or you just want to be prepared for any occasion that may land you at a table with more than one plate in front of you. After all, most of us don’t attend finishing school and have to make room for our own rough edges. Either way, I hope these little tid-bits of insight will help you keep your cookies from crumbling.

1. Know what to do with your napkin.

It may seem like a small thing, and really it is, but knowing what to do with your napkin can make a huge difference at a networking table. It shows your comfort with the situation in a display of proper etiquette and that you’re not a total Sasquatch.

When you first sit down, after your host picks up their napkin (which will be after at least most of the party is seated), fold your napkin in your lap. Fold it “hot dog style” over your thighs. When using it to wipe your mouth, use the inside of the “hot dog” so the messy bits are contained. The napkin should stay in your lap until everyone is leaving the table. If you need to leave the table, neatly fold the napkin on your chair.

2. Drink and be merry. (Just know your limits.)

Many professional evenings begin with a cocktail hour. Even if you’re all just waiting at the bar while the rest of your party wanders in. Don’t be afraid to order a pint or a cocktail and feel free to partake in wine at the table.

Like food, wine and beer and spirits bring people together. A little libation puts oil on the cogs of conversation and can help make the evening run smoothly. So, though you are by no means obligated to drink, if you would like to, there is no harm in sipping a little something something.

That being said, don’t overindulge. Every company has the stories of a few too many Blue Hawaiians at the 2016 conference in Jacksonville. That’s a legendary company story you definitely don’t want to be a part of. Especially if you’re not yet established in your career.

3. Learn to taste wine.

A bottle or two of wine may be ordered for the table soon after sitting and during the continued conversations from the restaurant bar. Typically, the host will order and taste the wine. Though it is also polite to allow the guest to choose and taste the wine, particularly if conversation has hinted that that person has a particular favorite appellation. If I happen to comment that I enjoy a particularly dry Malbec and the table agrees to order a bottle, I would be given the privilege of tasting.

Regardless, it may come to you to taste the wine and it is important to know how to do so elegantly. Yes, this ritual is strange and embarrassing, especially if it’s something you haven’t done in the past. (I’m convinced that no one actually does this outside of the wine industry and work functions. Because it really is funky.)

Here’s how it works.

1. First, you will be shown the label. Quickly confirm it is what was ordered. Check the vintage year as well.
2. After uncorking you may be presented the cork. Do not feel obliged to sniff it. This step if for folks who really know their wine to assure it was properly stored. Just make sure the thing isn’t dripping or crumbling and you’ll be fine.
3. Next, the server will pour a small amount in your glass. Check the color, check for sediment. Then swirl it slightly and experience the aroma. Then take a small sip or two.

Tasting the wine is an important responsibility of the host because you don’t want your guests to put on fake smiles as they slowly sip a faulty bottle of wine. No one wants that.

4. Don’t worry about the price.

If you’re being treated to a nice meal at an expensive restaurant, order what you like on the menu. Don’t feel obligated to stick to a salad in order to be courteous to your host. I once had a lunch with an executive of the Discovery Network. I ordered some cold quinoa salad on a rainy New York afternoon in February (the perfect day for a quinoa salad). The day was cold and wet and I really wanted the roast chicken. When dishes were served, the executive who hosted us even made a well-meaning jab at my order. To this day, I regret not ordering the chicken.

If your host is worried about the cost, they will call the restaurant ahead and have a limited menu for the evening. That being said, just because all of the normal $50 entrees are okay, doesn’t mean you should order the $120 cut of wagyu beef.

5. Go ahead, have the damn cheesecake.

Let’s all be honest. The best part about dining is the food. And for me, not having dessert at the places where I probably would never be able to eat if it weren’t for my job, seems like a damn travesty. Growing up, however, ordering dessert at a restaurant was not a common occurrence. If we wanted something sweet after dinner, there was a half gallon of Breyers in the freezer, so I was always a little worried about ordering dessert if I was on the receiving end of the evening.

That was until my eyes happened to catch the total on the host’s bill. The dinner was well over $700. It was then I realized what the hell. A $12 slice of AMAZING New York cheesecake and coffee to go around was not going to make that much of a difference.

Long story short, if the host offers dessert and you want dessert, then honey, you get that dessert. You won’t regret it. And if you’re hosting, offer. Everyone’s happier after espresso and cheesecake.

6. Don’t stack your dishes.

You may think it’s polite to help bus your table by stacking your plates cutlery and napkins, and this may be a refreshing and welcome sight on a different occasion, but this is something you want to refrain from when it comes to business meals at finer establishments.

The clanking and clattering can be really disruptive and the unsightly stack can make other guests uncomfortable. Overall, though you may mean well and are trying to do something nice for the waitstaff, it can be really disrespectful to your host or guests. But don’t worry. If your server is skilled, they won’t let empty dirty plates linger for too long on the table anyway.

7. Skip the box.

I know. It’s tempting. You’ve had a long day at the conference and have been on your best behavior through this whole three-hour dining afair and sometimes that side of mac n’ cheese would be THE PERFECT late night warm up in your hotel room while you watch true crime shows after a bath. (Trust me, I once snuck a mouthful of the best macaroni and cheese straight from the serving spoon before the server could throw it away. It’s okay, he understood and covered for me.) But alas, resist the urge to ask for a box.

Yes, it’s a sad sight to see food go to waste, but asking for a box can disrupt the flow of dinner. (This is why, if a situation does ever call for a box, the server will take the food and pack it up away from the table.)

Also, when it comes time for handshakes and goodbye’s having your claws clenched around a styrofoam box is not a cute look. Plus, food aromas are great at the table, but not so much in the shared Uber with your coworkers back to the hotel.

Overall, the most important advice I can give is this: don’t stress. Enjoy yourself and let the evening happen naturally. For me learning the proper etiquette wasn’t nearly as challenging as accepting that I belonged there. Even if you do have an embarrassing slip up, you’ve learned something. It might even make for a funny story.

Just remember: Life isn’t about the finer things, but when they come your way after working your ass off, welcome them. Even if it feels strange. Because you’ve earned it and you belong anywhere.